Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 313 of 6385
Every minute Justin Bieber is held in jail is a victory for good music.
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01-23-2014 11:38
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My kid thinks I'm some kind of wizard because I can start a car by blowing in a tube.
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01-20-2016 05:59 by Nipper
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Do you enjoy interacting with people?” “Nope” “Great, you’re hired!” – DMV interview process.
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01-28-2016 12:38
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John Lennon was killed by a fan. Where are those Kanye West fans when you need them?
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04-28-2016 16:09
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I wonder if Magic Johnson ever regrets wasting the world's best porn name on a basketball career.
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05-06-2016 05:11
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You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
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02-05-2011 14:57 by MelMys
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it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson's by 2011?
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02-09-2011 21:26
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Did you know 25% of car accidents in canada involve a moose.I say we don't let them drive
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02-10-2011 05:21 by gnome
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Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.
Thanks, confirmation email telling me I've successfully unsubscribed from your emails. You just had to win didn't you?
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02-27-2011 16:25
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If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one.
Next time the bank calls me to tell me I'm overdrawn, I'm gonna tell them, "We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it."
You can almost pass a lie detector test if you answer every question with "go fish."
i dont have trust issues, I just know people who have lying issues
If I had a penny for every time I thought of you.... I'd have a penny.
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10-05-2011 14:06
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The only thing left for me to do is to walk on water, and even at that some people would snicker and say, 'What, you can't swim?"
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07-11-2011 03:56 by Mick F
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I'd probably get a lot more done if it wasn't for me.
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07-12-2011 15:02 by geez
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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
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07-21-2011 08:49 by Mark
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it takes me five minutes to get dressed and fifty-five minutes looking for my other shoe....
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11-05-2010 00:29
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someday I'll sit down with my grandchildren to watch "Airplane" and they'll say, "I can't believe they used to just let people get on planes"