Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 278 of 6384
If video games make you violent, does monopoly make you a millionaire?
febreeze- because your house smells like weed and your parents will be home any minute.
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02-28-2012 21:00 by shuttdogg
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They should invent an alarm clock that if you hit the snooze button more than 3 times it automatically calls in sick for you.
Marriage is a workshop.........The husband works & The wife shops
Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
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06-27-2012 19:57
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Never buy a car you can't push.
I was on a plane the other day and when it landed, the pilot said, "Those of you needing wheelchair assistance, please remain seated." I don't think they had much of a choice.
"Characters did not match verification code. Please try again." Of course it didn't. You gave me 3 squiggle things, a backwards P and an upside down 4.
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09-20-2010 19:42
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I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
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10-16-2010 22:23
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If I spent as many hours learning how to play guitar as I do on Facebook, I'd be a freakin' Jimi Hendrix
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11-16-2010 19:51
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They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
flights booked, lawyer called, cars ordered, mansion picked out.....now I just need my lotto numbers to hit!!!
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01-04-2011 21:00
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9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
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01-07-2011 08:42
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could care less about the color, as long as it is on my floor with the rest of your clothes.
not having any fun unless he is doing something immoral, illegal, dangerous, or fattening.
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01-13-2010 08:40
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Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?..............Neither did I. I was just asking.
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02-15-2010 05:53
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you only live once, but if you live it right, once is enough.
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03-28-2010 02:17
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Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
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05-13-2010 15:17
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I'm super sick, and while I don't need anyone to nurse me back to health but I'd like someone to pick up my tissues and let me be mean to them..
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05-17-2010 09:52 by Joser
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Scientists developed a new car that can run on water. Only catch is, it has to be water from the Gulf of Mexico.