Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 264 of 6384
My age? I'd rather not tell. Let's just say i'm somewhere between 25 and a Wal-Mart greeter.
tried to mail you something cute for christmas but the postoffice took the stamp off my butt and asked me to leave...
wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
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01-25-2010 16:37 by Michael
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A child is like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.
Ran two miles. Ate two brownies. I regret nothing.
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03-24-2010 15:53
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The worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.
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08-16-2010 15:46
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Based on my current rate of income, I estimate a comfortable retirement about 200 years after my death.
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09-05-2010 17:22
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I wonder whose stadium will be the first to play "Who let the dogs out" when Michael Vick plays.
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09-22-2010 22:49 by Aaron
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Sometimes you feel like a million bucks..sometimes you feel like a foodstamp.
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10-13-2010 14:47
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All you get when you pick my pocket is practice...
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08-26-2010 16:17 by Aaron
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I'm perfectly imperfect, beautiful in my flaws, sure of my insecurities, absolute chaos...a beautiful disaster.
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09-12-2010 18:51
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Remember, A hard punch can often be used as a secret weapon to secure victory in an intellectual debate.
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09-21-2010 17:41
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Trust is like a piece of paper,once its crumpled it cant be perfect!
you cant drink all day if you dont start in the morning
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04-22-2010 20:00
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Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters
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05-09-2010 13:58
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What's another word for word?
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05-14-2010 18:57 by Joser
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I sympathize a lot with Darth Vader because he had so much trouble juggling career and family.
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05-14-2010 19:00 by Joser
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Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one had insurance. Don't kill him."
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06-11-2010 18:09 by Joser
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hates when his hand falls asleep, it usually means it's going to be up all night
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06-15-2010 00:59 by geez
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"The mistakes of the past don't define you... they refine you."