Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 254 of 6384
Just imagine for a moment, if you can, a world without hypothetical situations.
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04-02-2013 17:46 by Aaron
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USA & Pakistan's relationship status= It's complicated
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05-04-2011 17:40 by punkie
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Doing my taxes with a condom on. Figured I'm going to get screwed anyway, so why not be safe about it.
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01-30-2011 13:07
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Girls are like police. They never believe things without evidence.
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02-01-2011 09:57 by Will
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Do you ever get half way through eating a horse and think to yourself, “I'm not as hungry as I thought I was.”
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02-05-2011 14:39 by Aaron
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Despite their name, riot police don't have much of a sense of humor.
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02-19-2011 22:10
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I don't care what people think of me. It can't be half as bad as what I think of them...
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07-02-2011 08:36
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Well, I guess these tequila shots aren't going to regret themselves
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08-24-2011 15:56 by flinnie
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Attractive female traffic cops should make it clear they are not strippers sent by your buddies BEFORE they tase me.
My face hurts from making that look of concern as I pretend to listen.
a LEADER, not a follower... But if we're walking into a creepy dark place, SCREW THAT! You're going first!
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06-09-2011 09:08
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Never trust a homeless guy selling homemade lemonade, just saying.
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04-27-2012 05:56 by flinnie
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I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
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04-30-2012 19:53 by Aaron
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Adele might set fire to rain... But SpongeBob can make a campfire under water.
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05-01-2012 08:09
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Let's all take a moment and be thankful spiders can't fly
Nothing like a dysfunctional family trying to function for the Holidays.
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12-18-2011 15:35
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Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I'll never get to touch.
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03-07-2012 13:06
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Integrity is knowing that just because you can do something, it doesn't always mean that you should...
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12-27-2011 22:49
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If only the Olympics had an event that involved falling down and not spilling your drink...
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06-15-2012 23:03
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Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn't trust with a Glo-Stick Day!!!