Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 233 of 6384
Funny new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Bob.
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12-19-2011 02:53
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I've probably learned more from Google than I have from school.
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01-23-2011 11:09 by Will
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No matter how many times I watch Titanic I'm 100% sure that if they had tried harder, Jack would've fit perfectly fine on that floating headboard.
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03-29-2010 09:20
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Dear Heart {♥} , Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that's it...
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06-04-2011 11:43 by himashis
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If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don't look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
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04-02-2011 18:59
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organizing a flash mob at my place, Thursday 3pm. Bring lawnmowers.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
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04-12-2011 23:52 by BEGO
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Like a good neighbor, stay over there
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09-11-2011 22:29 by Ed Status
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The other day someone was telling me that they make ice cubes out of left over wine. I was confused. What's left over wine?
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02-15-2011 18:42
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I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
If you see a animal stuck in a trap, free them. If you see a child crying, comfort them. If you see the Jersey Shore cast crossing the street, HIT THE GAS!
I would pay good money to see the mayhem guy from Allstate hook up with Flo from Progressive.
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01-15-2012 10:29 by Aaron
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wondering if the US Government gets the irony of trying to pass laws that limits their own citizens access on the internet whilst at the same time criticizing the governments of China & Iran for doing the same thing.
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01-20-2012 11:42
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How am I supposed to be inpressed by a computer winning at Jeopardy when Google usually knows what I'm looking for after 2 letters?
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02-22-2011 11:02 by MyClueIs
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My therapist says I have an obsession with revenge. We'll see about that..
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05-01-2011 17:12 by Rosaline
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God. I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
I tried to log in on my iPad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don't own an iPad. Also, I'm out of vodka.
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01-26-2012 20:36
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I thought about going out tonight but am too lazy to take a shower and clean up. Times like this, make me wish Walmart had a bar.
Bad decisions make good stories
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08-16-2009 20:31
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"Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie. Our sizes are; Small, X Small, Anorexic, Bulemic, and Malnourished."
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08-17-2010 21:22
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