Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 221 of 6384
All we need to keep us happy - is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done!!!
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04-23-2012 22:10 by XX-FOXY
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I'm HAVING A DINNER party tomorrow,how many boxes of cheerios do I need to feed 8 people ..
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04-26-2012 20:46
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Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
"We used all our brainwashing techniques and we still lost" - US Media
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11-09-2016 00:44
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It's usually the ones with the dirtiest hands pointing the fingers.
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01-26-2017 11:08
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I'm so old that I remember when people cared for their country and defended the constitution instead of trashing it and burning it to the ground.
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02-08-2017 09:45
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There's a fine line between crazy & free spiirited and it's usually a prescription.
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02-21-2017 06:54
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Some days, I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots. Other days, I realize it's not just some days.
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03-02-2017 10:24
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Daylight Savings Time: I say start it on a Monday at 5 pm. You wouldn't lose the hour on Sunday, and it would shorten Monday.
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03-08-2017 07:50 by Mick
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Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
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06-05-2018 22:58 by Jake
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Watching wealthy politicians who live lavish lifestyles talk about "the plight of the poor" leaves one cold.... and angry
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04-30-2017 03:02
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I don't swim because it's never 30 minutes after the last time I ate.
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05-23-2017 21:40 by Pj
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Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That's like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
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06-06-2017 08:28
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Grab one midget and demand their pot of gold and you get labeled a "public nusance". Anyone could make the same mistake.
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03-17-2011 21:58
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There will never be true equality until men have to wear jockey shorts with under-wires that lift and separate.
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02-10-2011 14:24
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Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It's pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
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01-09-2013 12:14
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Remember that things always get worse before they get better. Unless, you know, you die in the process of it getting worse.
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01-10-2013 00:01
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Remember people, good manners is what separates us from the French
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02-09-2013 10:11 by Baddie
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I just got stripped of 7 of my kick ball titles they found out I had performance enhancer shoes
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10-22-2012 18:43
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Every guy has a soft sensitive side. It's called “I need to get laid and I'll say and do anything to make it happen.”