Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I find humor in everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at

   Problem: Always get stuck next to obnoxious drunk guy on plane. Solution: Be obnoxious drunk guy on plane.

   No unwilling people were harmed during the making of this status. Viewer discretion is advised

   I'll take SPORTS SUPERSTARS for $1000 Alex. The answer: Allen Iverson and Randy Moss. *buzzes in* Who are 'people that no one wants on their team anymore?'

   I'm not drunk... I'm just tired from drinking all day!

   People think I'm sleeping in this tent to see that stupid Twilight movie, I'm just first in line for Black Friday.

   At least broken people are interesting. You can't fix boring...

   Normal people are the crazy psychos who hide it very well!

   if people are trying to bring you down it only means you are above them

   People disregard you when they don't want you, but they are quick to acknowledge you when they need your help.

   I'll stop making excuses when other people start taking responsibility for my actions.

   We live on a world where smart people are called nerds and social outcast, and stupid people are the cool ones. And they get all the damn hot chicks.

   We never had an on-and-off relationship before getting married. Ours was more of an in-and-out-and-in-out thing. People should try that!

   I want to be famous and make a cure that saves tens of people!

   I think tonight I'm gonna work on my grammar... Gonna see if I can get drunk enough to type in cursive...

   Hide your true colors and let people paint their picture of you.

   i dont mind walking past bushes alone on a dark night. What I do mind is when people start jumping out of them

   The entire US government defrauds the country on a daily basis, yet there are people who freak out if they're sent a fake profile.

   Freaking out people walking round the cemetery dressed as a Ghostbuster.

   Went to Walmart today & y'all should've seen all the commotion. Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth, and Uncle Ben were protesting, Texas Pete and Capt. Morgan were getting drunk, Little Debbie was working the corner, and Jimmy Dean was showing everybody his sa