Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 128 of 6384
People say "If you want loyalty, get a dog," but my dog would abandon me in a dark alley for a pizza crust, so maybe loyalty has layers.
if you want a sneak preview of the new IPhone 8 just look at your IPhone 7 and pretend it cost $999 more.
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09-15-2017 00:24 by Moon
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The San Francisco Giants visited an orphanage in Mexico last week. "It's really sad to see their faces with no hope" said Juan, age 6.
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09-24-2017 11:02
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Think I will use this CSV receipt to wrap up like a mummy for Halloween. BONUS: You can scan me for $1 off any 2 liter drink
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09-28-2017 21:42 by markf
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I wonder if Harvey Weinstein & Bill Cosby sit around swapping stories
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10-12-2017 07:34 by Eddy
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If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at
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04-17-2018 04:49
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* 21st century where deleting history is more important than making it.
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05-17-2018 15:49
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Dear Dos Equis guy: Seriously. What guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world after he's had a few beers?
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06-18-2018 11:11
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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
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07-16-2018 17:16 by BobbyT
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A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
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07-18-2018 07:22
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No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We'll both regret it soon enough.
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08-13-2018 13:20 by Reuben
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" I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb."
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08-16-2018 22:17 by Haha
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My Girlfriend said she's leaving in the morning because of my "Wham" obsession!
I replied...
"wake me up before you go go"
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09-15-2018 16:00 by Truman
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You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.
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10-18-2018 03:28 by Crewz
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I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by,
"that's him officer"
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10-19-2018 12:04 by Truman
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Kissing is weird. At some point, multiple cultures independently came to the conclusion that wanting to lick the inside of somebody's mouth shouldn't be exclusive to dogs.
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11-01-2018 17:16
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Some people should
use a glue stick
instead of chap stick.
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11-06-2018 18:17
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My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
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03-05-2017 18:16 by X
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I think COVID-19 is just a ploy by Netflix to get people to stay in and actually watch Adam Sandler movies.
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08-07-2020 09:11
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Pro Tip: Adopt a retired drug dog to help find fun friends at parties.
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08-31-2020 04:15
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