Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   what happens if ur peeing when the world ends???....

   Ohhhh noooo, I have to wake up 4am to work. Damn minimum wage

   In bed, when a girl says, "I'm Old Fashioned," she means, "I'm from a time when people didn't want to have sex with you."

   I hate Costco and its costconians on the weekend. Is it really that difficult to move aside while trying to devour your 27th sample? It is not like you're trying to balance fine China on a stick, you're putting a cheese square into yo

   Stuttering's cool if you think of it as a drumroll for your sentence!

   in the famous words of Pepe Le Pew "Le Monday, you le suck!"

   rRjection is tough, I heard that your hand fell asleep on you last night

   Everyone has their obsession, consuming thoughts,consuming time

   That tv show 'The Mentalist' is nowhere near as good as the title suggests 

   I love photos because they never change EVEN when the person in it changes.

   Here's a drinking game for you; take a drink every time someone posts "happy new year" on your Facebook. Make sure you aren't driving after this game because you will likely have too many friends stating the obvious.

   doing the toothfairies fingernails, hey she wants to look good to on a budget

   Sometimes I like to send a text un purpose to the wrong person to see their reaction

   Heat Fans on Fire....... "Sorry, what you said honey? You screwing my neighbor....oh ok, I'll talk to you after the game!"

   Drfinition of 'vitamin'; What you do when a friend comes to your door.

   In honor of the #WikipediaBlackout to protest SOPA, I will also be blacking out tonight.

   A team of researchers have concluded the "G-spot" doesn't exist. Obviously they were looking in the wrong place....

   i thought about exercising all day long....I am sooo exhausted

   About to drink thermometer juice

   The only way I will ever occupy wall street is if I inherit money... not happenin'...