Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   going to build an ark for the events thats going to happen on 21/12/2012, I can take the 1st 100 people, Early Bird Tickets come on sale 21/12/2011, make me an offer before you miss out

   first we had mad cow disease, then we had bird flu, now we have swine flu, O.M.F.G it's FARMAGGEDON

   "Free at Last!! Free at Last!! Thank God Almighty it's Friday!!!!"

   if only life came with ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF...buttons.

   a procrastinator... ehh i'll finish this post later

   ...back in the 80's my mom would scold me and say "Don't use that tone of voice with me young lady!"....I just texted my 15-year old son and said "Don't use exclamation points with me Mister!"...my have times changed!

   thinking about an Apple sporting goods store: iBalls

   knows it's foggy and late in the day, but I'm pretty sure there's a unicorn behind me.

   eating Pizza Rolls and is not wearing pants.

   Never date a tennis player; to them love means nothing.

   Marriage is not a word or a sentence, as reported above. It's an institution - like... prison.

   Obama gets a Nobel prize after sending 30k more troops. Stay tuned, next week Tiger Woods wins husband of the year.

   thinks the voices in his head need serious singing lessons (ever heard the Smurfs performing Enter Sandman?)

   Im not under the alkafluence of inkahol thet some thinkle peep I am!!!

   A new study found that house cats spend 22 percent of their days looking out windows, 12 percent playing with other pets, 8 percent climbing on chairs and just 6 percent sleeping. They also found that cats had the exact same schedule as Joe Biden.

   Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.

   pulled last night. He approached a gorgeous girl and said "Look, I know you're in a different league to me, but! I'm willing to drop one for ya"

   I accept this Nobel Peace Prize, blah,,,blahh,,,,blahh,,,blah...blahhh.....................

   wonders when John Mellencamp will write a song about the plight of the Facebook farmer?

   (Tiger's Christmas Song) Oh the weather outside is frightful. Having many tramps is so delightful. Just so my hot wife don't know…text a ho, text a ho, text a ho.