Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon For Sale: Lots of snow, you Haul!!!
←Rate | 01-17-2010 19:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on eBay?? I put in a bid for a "Mickey Mouse outfit" and now it seems I am only 15 minutes away from owning the "Dallas Cowboys Football Team"..
←Rate | 01-17-2010 18:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fire them...all of them! It's time to make a change Jerry...
←Rate | 01-17-2010 16:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It must be so easy to be an NFL quarterback. Especially if you have a helmet with a star on it. All you have to do is dance around a little, fall down as soon as someone gets near you, then collect your millions.
←Rate | 01-17-2010 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you hear that there's a "no fly" zone over San Diego on Sunday...... a huge lightning storm is coming....... grounding all "Jets"......GO BOLTS!!!
←Rate | 01-17-2010 14:14 by Pineapple Comments (0)  


   messageicon And what if we all proceeded to a total destructuring of a paradoxical, macropterous relentlessly terrigenous abiotrophy using the timeless quadriform viewpoint of continuous kleptomania antisepsis?
←Rate | 01-17-2010 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it was all good just a week ago.
←Rate | 01-17-2010 13:23 by fefe Comments (0)  


   messageicon accidentally gave himself a "Dutch Oven".
←Rate | 01-17-2010 12:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have a short attention span...................Ooo Shiny!!
←Rate | 01-17-2010 12:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon not going to college...shes becoming a Burrito Taster!
←Rate | 01-17-2010 09:37 by MY name is.. Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering if there is such a thing called the "WHINE" flu... If so I am pretty sure my kids have it
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon glitter is the herpes of the arts and crafts world! You just can`t get rid of it once its on you
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:43 by Ginger C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are what you eat, then I'm fast, cheap, and easy.
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that now that I know there's water on the moon, your natural spring water from the Swiss Alps bores me.
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Santa: I would like a bailout and a bonus. I have been really bad this year and therefore I deserve it.
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:32 by Ginger C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinking Scientists do it on the table... periodically
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:27 by Ginger C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...was a child, she spoke as a child, thought as a child; when she grew up she put away childish things... But then she discovered FaceBook!
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:24 by Ginger C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon gonna laugh 2 years from now when all of those people who thought the world was gonna end on Dec. 22, 2012 realize that they are still gonna have to go out and buy Christmas presents.....
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:11 by Ginger C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw this on the back of a car: "My child is an honor student, but my president is a moron."
←Rate | 01-17-2010 02:10 Comments (0)  




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