Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If only I had alzheimer's , then I too could join the easter egg hunt. :(

   wonders why who jog regularly cannot get through the day without telling someone how far they ran? Notice they have to sneak it into the conversation or they'll burst

   i would punch you in the face. But you Don't even deserve that

   Get away from me! What am i? Flypaper for freaks?

   Heidi and Spencer have decided to change their names to something more native american WTF? She chose white wolf, he chose running bear. What?" was "Plastic Robot" and "mighty douche" already taken?

   If roses are red and violets are blue, then what colour is violet?

   thinkin that girls a stunt... a little bit stupid and a little bit of a ....

   take your reeboks off you teeth and stop running your mouth

   Duct tape - $3.79, Shovel - $29.99, 50 lb. bag of lime - $14.99, Life without you - PRICELESS.

   I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

   wishes she could walk away, but her feet are stuck in the cement of your existence

   Why do people feel the need to let everyone know that they are deleting numbers out of their phone........Like I really give a FUGG

   : After today's announcement, Ricky Martin has also announced he will be pulling out (no pun intended) his No1 Hit Single off the shelves and re-release it as "He Bangs"

   a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude.

   starting his spring cleaning tonight...so if you have 1 less friend in the morning, you'll know why!!!!

   Things happen for a reason... so when I reach over and smack you upside the head just remember..you gave me a reason!!!

   Facebook has stopped suggesting friends for me. I guess they finally realized I dont need to be friends with someone I saw that one time.

   has a way to end the Iraq war. Tonight, pack everything and leave. Tomorrow, when the world reacts, we act like we have no idea what they are talking about.

   if I was the type of person who's day was ruined just by seeing a certain someone, then my day would be ruined quite often.

   shoving crayons up her nose to brighten up her personality