Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   likes poetry, chocolate cake, and poking dead things with sticks.

   writes "like this", and not "lyk dis", because she is an adult, and because she is not stupid

   a little puzzled, as to why she has eye-liner on her thigh...

   may get her mink out tonight. It's time.

   has no doubt that there's a place in every woman's life for a red thong, but that place is not five inches above the waistline of her jeans. Ever.

   discovered today, that the man sitting next to her had wet himself.

   just asked a group of people for a lighter. They thought she was homeless, asking for money. She's wearing false lashes. When was the last time you saw a homeless person with false lashes?

   amazed what she can do with a broccoli, when she puts her mind to it.

   MYTH NUMBER 6.... Liquor Before Beer, Never Fear.

   Bought a dog that gives up chasing a cat after about 10 seconds. So I'm calling it Quits.

   Just for fun, I left a note of this guys car at Wal-Mart that said, "Sorry for backing into your car". That should keep him busy for a few minutes.

   idiot noun \ˈi-dē-ət\ - One who disagrees with me

   A sack of corn nuts and a good Vogue magazine. And I m just fine

   Its not that I'm not that into you. Its more that I'm not into you at all.

   Betty Crocker likes to spoon?

   as of today I will no longer use "lol" after my comments or posts...I will now use "snicker".

   How long does it take for an ejaculation to become mature?

   Ahhh,,, Confucius say...I know I had it in my hand a minute ago.

   I hate getting wet...it always makes little animals pop out of my bac!

   Drunk Midgets....i'm pretty sure this is what people come to the internet for.