Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5433 of 6385
never make eye-contact with anyone while eating a banana
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11-15-2010 21:53
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my anger management class pisses me off..
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11-15-2010 21:47
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My mother now has Gchat. You will no longer know how inappropriate my thoughts are via status updates. Today my status is "I like studying and Jesus."
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11-15-2010 21:22
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learned that you should never say "boom" at the airport. looks like i'm missing my flight
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11-15-2010 21:00
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I like to spend my weekends at Burgerking pretending I'm on Man vs Food...
A penny for my thoughts? Oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar. There worth so much more after I'm a goner and maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin, funny when your dead how people start listenen
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11-15-2010 20:41
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Alcohol does NOT make you fat...it makes you lean...against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ....Ugly people!!!
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11-15-2010 20:04 by Liz
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Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
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11-15-2010 20:02 by Liz
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If you pass after drinking Wild Turkey, just blame it on tryptophan.
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11-15-2010 20:01
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Why is Darth Vader called "Darth Vader"? Because "Master Vader" just sounds wrong.
i've yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing
MONDAYS ARE FOR MASOCHISTS. It's bleak and raining and there's not one dang cookie in the house.
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11-15-2010 19:53
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When I was younger I would make funny faces in the mirror. Now that I'm older the mirror is getting even! I hate that mirror!!!
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11-15-2010 19:26
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I had a recurring dream once !
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11-15-2010 19:24
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Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is
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11-15-2010 19:16 by Esoteric
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Well at least he was voted most popular kid in high school that rode the short bus because he could buy beer legally without needing a fake ID.
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11-15-2010 18:58
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- When Stephen Hawking has sex does he use Condoms or Norton Anti Virus?
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11-15-2010 18:54 by trickz100
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Suicide hotline, please hold....
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11-15-2010 18:38
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Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and suck forever.
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11-15-2010 18:30
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Don't marry a woman with big hands. It makes your d**k look small.
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11-15-2010 18:27 by Juliete
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