Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   3 ways to die early. smoking = 5 years early. alcohol = 10 years early. loving someone who doesn't love you = you die daily.

   I am so happy to hear that curiousity killed the cat. For a while, I was the only suspect..

   if I could afford the wood I would have your mouth boarded up!!!

   Im so FU***ing tired of this snow that I just ripped all of my kids possessions (books , Comforters etc) that have any type of reference to SNOW WHITE... yeah..F**ck her too!

   You're 10 years old and have a laptop, iPod and BlackBerry. Dude when I was 10 I had pokemon cards.

   I've been f***ed up by Karma so many times I could write the KaRma Sutra by now…

   once lived in Chicago about 20 yrs ago. Apparently that makes me eligible to run for city Mayor.

   You are the kind of a person that we could use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

   Who designed the pants with the word pink on the back? It should be on the front, and the back should say brown.

   I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

   WOW!!! Your profile picture is a car, I never knew you were a transformer.

   Dear MySpace, Oh I`m sorry, What`s the name of YOUR movie? Sincerely, Facebook

   Minute of silence for the girls who lost their boyfriends/husbands to BLACK OPS.

   Don't like me? Have a seat with the rest of the a$$holes waiting in line for me to give a f*ck.

   Dear Yahoo, Ive never heard someone say "i dunno lets 'Yahoo It." Just Saying. Sincerely, Google.

   A picture speaks a thousand words, but with photo-shop, it tells a thousand lies

   Dear Facebook, we asked for a 'dislike' button, not a confusing profile layout, or a smaller font size! Sincerely, Facebook User

   So much sh!t comes out your mouth that your a$$ is jealous

   I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm :)

   has been trying to plug the keyboard from his PC into his HI-FI system. Call me stupid if you want but that would just be stereo typing