santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   How did I end up on the naughty list? I sold my soul to Santa as a kid for better toys. Too bad I'm dyslexic.

   Since going green, Santa has stopped using coal and now fills the stockings of kids on the naughty list with windmills.

   I don't think NORAD should be publishing the location of Santa. This is just the sort of information we don't want the terrorists to have.

   This is like the 8th Christmas in a row I've been doing my last minute shopping & forgotten about the 10 day waiting period on handguns.

   Should I be worried that Santa just de-friended me?

   Why is my wife asking me for a watch for christmas? She already has one on the microwave and oven!

   Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don't mix it up this year!

   Christmas Eve. As we they in San Francisco: May the corpulent bearded homo sapien in the scarlet suit smile upon your chosen shrubbery.

   I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I am everyone's great big bag of weed when they come home for the holidays.

   Christmas and St. Paddy's Day are the busy season for midgets.

   As a kid, did you ever see Santa claw himself down the chimney and make fun of your pyjamas? My shrink claims it never happened!

   Dec 24th , Christmas Eve , the most exciting day of the year no matter how old you are .......

   Why no one ever pick Santa, or elves, or reindeers as a school's mascot? "Let's go Santa, Let's GO!"

   santa has to be the greatest criminal ever...a million cases of breaking & entering...the police everywhere know where he lives but he knows how to buy everyone of them off with gifts

   There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.

   Thank god I have Facebook to know that Christmas Eve is tomorrow and that people are going Christmas shopping and that Christmas is Sunday.

   It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

   I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

   Life would be much easier if Christmas decorations grew on trees.

   I'm out of Christmas wrapping paper? So I've simply converted birthday wrapping paper by adding "Jesus" after "Happy Birthday" in biro.