Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sex with altar boys? Nun for me, thanks

   Who the hell is Kim Kardashian and why should I care?

   For Halloween I went as a Republican: I bent them over and screwed them and they didn't even know it.

   Halloween. When guys dress up like the psychos they actually are. And girls dress up like the sluts they swear they aren't.

   Cop to a hooker: What would your mother do if she seen you out here doing this? Hooker: She'd kill me, this is her corner.

   The 'unlike' button is the closest we are ever gonna get to a 'dislike' button.

   I have just created a new Facebook group called, "I am using my neighbour's wi-Fi"

   didn't know K. Kardashian was married, in the first place!!!

   Damnnn, We about to get it cracking, like fat people on thin ice

   I don't care about 11/11/11, the day I cant wait for is 6/9/69

   What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook.

   Attention Ladies : No Shave November is meant for men not women.

   Go a whole year without wearing weave so I know its real.

   Kim Kardashian's marriage was shorter than a midgets tie

   Just ran into a girl I've jerked it to on facebook...met her for the first time in public today...let's just say...wat a creeper

   Wow, I've just noticed that almost all the girls on my Facebook are girls that I've tried to hook up with at one point or another. My Facebook has suddenly become one giant reminder of pure and utter failure. Well played Facebook, well played...

   (-.-) <--- this is my surprised face when I read about Kim's divorce.

   Don't put habanero chili in your KY. Your mate will get quite angry.

   What was longer.... Kim Kardashian's marriage or theTrick-or-Treat line outside of Casey Anthony's house??

   That awkard moment when you wake up your boyfriend in middle of night to say "stop snoring!!!" and you realize that it's the dog and not him.