Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook is Big Brother. lol To NOT share all your info with other websites, go to Account>Privacy Settings> Applications and Websites> and UNCHECK "Instant Personalization"

   Somewhere on earth a woman give's birth to a child every 10 sec! we must find her & stop her.

   I'm 35 years old and still haven't figured out how to fold a fitted sheet.

   wondering how Mel Kiper can look at himself in the mirror and not want to kill himself over the guilt of getting paid to be such a terrible "expert" in his field.

   Dear fellow person looking for the lady popping out kids every 10 seconds I have found that lady! her name is Michelle Duggar.

   what are the bumps around a womans nipples for?it's braille for "suck here"

   a ►er!

   You can make the same drive 100's of times but a good dense fog makes it feel like a totally new experience.

   ..is making it look she has an IPad by drawing out the internet on her Etch-a-Sketch.

   Fast food drive thru 5 me 0, can you get my order right please!

   Please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list. If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up. DO NOT DO THIS IT IS A SCAM.

   oh dear... I seemed to have lost my diet instead of the weight...

   Jack and Jill went up the hill, but Jack ran out of breath, undaunted Jill got up her will and she went down with Beth.

   walking down the street when this man hammering on his roof called me a paranoid little freak... In Morse code

   I just realized I make the same noises when I eat pizza that I do during my "happy time"

   I'm hopping in the DeLorean with the Doc to travel back in time to Wednesday to buy a Powerball ticket. Between the other winner and I there will be $258 million dollars and one full set of teeth.

   Plagiarism on FB is getting really bad...I made my status "Going to Work" and within a few minutes, over a 100 people stole it...

   Yo mama's so fat that when she was cremated, half of the flights to Europe were cancelled..

   it just me, or is Tim Tebow already the most talked about white Bronco sine OJ and AC?

   Your dependence on oxygen is where our similarities end...