Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   After many attempts to drown my sorrows, I'm starting to fear they may have learned to swim.

   a suicide bomber. Suicide bomber training: Now watch carefull, because I'm only going to show you this once.

   probably going to Hell in at least 2 different religions

   a suicide bomber instructor. Suicide bomber training: Now watch carefully, because I'm only going to show you this once.

   does anyone else always feel really bad playing that 'No Russian' mission on Modern Warfare 2, but at the same time loving it?

   thinks that if you post an album titled "WeDdInG PhoToS", you are probably too young to be married.

   A Tip Having anything Like XXYoUnGmOn3y666xx As your Name equals Fail

   If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration,i wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

   The Little Chocoltiers, The Little Couple, Little People Big World...... TLC is changing its name to The Little Channel!

   Let me solve this whole airline/volcano crisis.... first - load the planes. second - fly the freakin plane around the ash cloud! no problem!

   When I am king, you will be first against the wall, With your opinion which is of no consequence at all.

   come to the conclusion that you don't BUY beer....you just rent it.

   there anybody else alive out there!?.. is that a No? If no one answers then I'm just gonna assume that's a "No" and that I can walk the street to a local gas station at 2:00 AM completley naked..."

   A braille porn magazine has been launched ths week - complete with explicit raised text and pictures. At least this is one time where looking at porn won't make you go blind.

   Where to find free beer and naked women. What? Crap! This isnt Google!

   touche volcano insurance salesman touche

   marriage is a natural defense mechanism designed to help us overcome our fear of death.

   Two wrongs don't make a right, but two rights make a hate group.

   Random thought of the day: If someone threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey, would you be stoned off your ass?

   God was the greatest inventor of all time. He took a rib from Adam and made a loudspeaker