Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In Texas, the words Texas & Taxes sound alike. This makes today confusing for them, I bet. I'm not concered, I already did my Texas.

   glad to hear that the IRS is finally concerned that some people have been trying without success to dial the IRS Taxpayer Assistance Hot Line since 1984.

   thinks BEER is the answer. I have no idea what the hell the question was.

   thinking it must be Thursday, Larry King is getting divorsed

   It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.

   likes poetry, long walks on the beach.... and poking dead things with a stick.

   You know, If you say "Blackhawks" real fast a few times in a row it starts to sound like something else...

   Don't think of it as thousands of dollars of your hard-earned money. Think of it as a toilet seat for the Pentagon.

   I have no sense of proportion. Which causes me big problems. Or small ones. I'm not sure

   I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'" --Bill Maher

   Bought my dog a cell phone today...it was a good deal...she gets free roll over minutes =)

   life is too short for regrets, so stop fighting ur enemies. Just get rid of them altogether. Dead men tell no tales...

   How come we can't say the word n*gro in a song but can have a group called Uncle Kracker?

   SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: The amount of Alcohol consumed can directly increase the amount of facebook activity.

   only updating my status because my legions of fans expect me to.

   thinks if your dog is wearing clothes, you're probably an a-hole.

   Onomatopoeias are one thing, but then there are words that look like what they are... like bed.

   How about you climb down from your high pedestal and join the rest of us! This is where you belong anyways...

   's 3 year old daughter has shown herself to be a real woman. She has no interest in baseball and had no interest in Daddie until baseball came on.

   went three doors down & fell into a puddle of mudd...had to tie a slipknot to get out>>