Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks the only reason the Easter bunny hides his eggs is cause he doesn't want anyone to know he screwed a chicken.

   Nothing good can come from marrying a guy named Jesse James.

   There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends.. Good job.. Good food.. Good sleep..&"GOOD _UCK" whatever you are thinking. That's right! :D

   Dont say i'm a "law abiding citizen" to the deputy who pulled you over with katt williams

   nothing worse than whacking the door frame with morning wood

   To Sandra Bullock.. Dear "Miss Congeniality", I suggest you come up with a "Proposal" to figure out a good "Time to kill" Jesse James so you won't be "Blindsided" again....

   waiting for an orgy on monday.....when everyone will get screwed as soon as the results are declared...

   why is it that things that dont interest you suddenly seem exciting when you have serious work to do?

   just pressed the REFRESH Button of her life, and Wowww it feels great :D

   Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think of you.

   would like to say on this last day of Winter. Winter, Kiss my Mother F*#$ing A$$ and DON'T HURRY BACK!!!

   an aphrodisiac!

   in a relationship with Bud Light and her liver is in a relationship with Jager Bomb, which gets complicated when we all hang out together!

   Hurricanes are like women : when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

   Could you put some creativity in your pics. Nobody wants to see you make the same face 8 different ways.

   let me get this straight -------------------------------~ Damn! So close

   If God meant me to be naked, he would have made my skin fit better.

   his HOME button must be broken. I keep pressing it but I'm still at work.

   just pressed her refresh button, but still feels dirty.

   will be weed smoking and turkey pulling this weekend... oops! reverse those verbs!