Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A new study found that house cats spend 22 percent of their days looking out windows, 12 percent playing with other pets, 8 percent climbing on chairs and just 6 percent sleeping. They also found that cats had the exact same schedule as Joe Biden.

   Im not under the alkafluence of inkahol thet some thinkle peep I am!!!

   thinks the voices in his head need serious singing lessons (ever heard the Smurfs performing Enter Sandman?)

   Obama gets a Nobel prize after sending 30k more troops. Stay tuned, next week Tiger Woods wins husband of the year.

   Marriage is not a word or a sentence, as reported above. It's an institution - like... prison.

   Never date a tennis player; to them love means nothing.

   eating Pizza Rolls and is not wearing pants.

   knows it's foggy and late in the day, but I'm pretty sure there's a unicorn behind me.

   thinking about an Apple sporting goods store: iBalls

   ...back in the 80's my mom would scold me and say "Don't use that tone of voice with me young lady!"....I just texted my 15-year old son and said "Don't use exclamation points with me Mister!"...my have times changed!

   a procrastinator... ehh i'll finish this post later

   if only life came with ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF...buttons.

   "Free at Last!! Free at Last!! Thank God Almighty it's Friday!!!!"

   first we had mad cow disease, then we had bird flu, now we have swine flu, O.M.F.G it's FARMAGGEDON

   going to build an ark for the events thats going to happen on 21/12/2012, I can take the 1st 100 people, Early Bird Tickets come on sale 21/12/2011, make me an offer before you miss out

   just found out the difference between kinky and erotic..erotic was the use of the feather..kinky was the whole damn chicken

   Police Station toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on.

   Why would a girl wanna be a Barbie? Barbie's are fake and dumb, yes DUMB. I'll take a natural woman any day thank you.

   enough about Tiger Woods already!!! who cares he cheated on his wife. Cheating goes on everywhere!!!! who else is tired about hearing of it? Letterman didnt even get this kind of coverage when he did it.

   Dear Winter, I think we should spend some time apart... I'm gonna try to work things out with my ex, Summer...