Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My therapist thanked me for making her decision to retire early much easier. So I’ve got that going for me.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Might send husband a nude so he’ll come upstairs. Then I’ll make him help with the laundry.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sleeping Beauty gave me entirely too much hope that there were spells to keep you asleep for years at a time.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else rip their mask off when they get in to the car like they’ve just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey’s Anatomy
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My toddler held my hand all the way to the bathroom, gave me a kiss when I sat down, then stole my toilet paper roll and ran out of the bathroom laughing in case you were wondering what it’s like to be a parent.
←Rate | 08-10-2020 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The further a society drifts from the truth, The more it will hate those who speak it...
←Rate | 08-16-2020 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of you never rooted for Godzilla and it shows.
←Rate | 09-14-2020 15:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hell yes I want to apply for your store credit card. Let’s go through the entire process now while the shoppers in line behind me fantasize about my brutal murder.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people shouldn’t be informed when this quarantine is over.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not buying a 2021 calendar until I see the trailer. Not gonna get me again
←Rate | 08-17-2020 16:33 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (1)  


   messageicon My gardening skills improved since the quarantine. I planted myself on the sofa in April and have grown bigger ever since...
←Rate | 06-14-2020 09:45 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right, and evil doesn't become good, just because it's accepted by a majority.
←Rate | 07-23-2020 20:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, things are not getting worse. They are just getting more obvious.
←Rate | 07-19-2020 11:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazon has been approved for drone delivery. We now have skeet shooting with prizes.
←Rate | 09-15-2020 15:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to all that's happened so far this year, I have no choice but to deduct 2 stars from my original TripAdvisor review of Earth.
←Rate | 08-13-2020 09:53 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world has indeed changed, I saw two guys put masks on to take a bag of money into a bank.
←Rate | 09-22-2020 21:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage Counsellor: last week I asked you to come up with 3 things you love about each other. Me: I need an extension.
←Rate | 09-22-2020 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the rubber gloves, face masks, face shields, condoms, and smell of Lysol…sex isn’t as fun as it used to be.
←Rate | 09-02-2020 10:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:41 Comments (0)  




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