Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I have good taste, I just don't have the money to prove it.
←Rate | 02-17-2017 11:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most immigrants still have a lot to learn about America. Like, if you're going to take a day off, take Friday, not Thursday...
←Rate | 02-17-2017 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OH there's nothing quite as funny as poster's tossing insults instead of comic relief....
←Rate | 02-17-2017 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beyonce's twins will never have to work a day in their life. She should name one of them Lay-Z.
←Rate | 02-03-2017 16:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look UPS chick, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to always have their pants on.
←Rate | 01-03-2017 22:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
←Rate | 01-27-2017 13:49 by gremlinsd Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok, let's be honest. I hate shopping for bras. You would think with the growing population of aging baby boomers, they would have more of a selection in 36 long.
←Rate | 12-23-2016 20:18 by Mo Comments (0)  


   messageicon My salt shaker has been clogged for two years, so don't come to me with your issues.
←Rate | 02-18-2015 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
←Rate | 03-26-2016 19:06 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
←Rate | 02-01-2017 10:15 by Mister E Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation....
←Rate | 12-12-2016 08:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's usually the ones with the dirtiest hands pointing the fingers.
←Rate | 01-26-2017 11:08 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Nice try MacDonalds, trying to give away you're secret sauce, I've already have a bottle of thousand island dressing in the refrigerator
←Rate | 01-26-2017 11:15 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I don't really WANT to make bad choices; but I'm always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
←Rate | 02-02-2017 17:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
←Rate | 02-09-2017 15:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your kids become teenagers, it's important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
←Rate | 12-17-2016 08:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
←Rate | 02-02-2017 11:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets
←Rate | 02-02-2017 17:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you're feeling down about your love life, remember that salmon swim hundreds of miles upstream to jack-off on a pile of eggs and die
←Rate | 02-15-2017 01:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Donald Trump's hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
←Rate | 02-02-2017 17:43 Comments (0)  



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