Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Want to meet eligible singles in your area? Then mill around the Valentine candy clearance aisle.
←Rate | 02-15-2019 23:31 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best sign of a intimate relationship are no pictures of it on Facebook.
←Rate | 02-16-2019 11:30 by Moon Comments (1)  


   messageicon Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
←Rate | 02-16-2019 18:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OK. What genius decided to call it a Corn Dog and not a Meat Twinkie?
←Rate | 02-16-2019 18:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, I'm a chick magnet. The problem is, I'm the side that repels. FML.
←Rate | 02-16-2019 17:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is a sad day. The man who invented autocorrect pissed away in his sleep last night.
←Rate | 02-03-2019 09:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone here with one leg? I have a ton of socks you can have.
←Rate | 02-04-2019 08:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 07:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Movie Theater Tip: When you go to the movies first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you so nobody can sit there..
←Rate | 01-24-2019 08:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Facebook stranger doesn’t like my opinion. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time. 😂
←Rate | 12-07-2018 22:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember son -- when you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 23:44 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think men are the stronger sex, watch a man react when the girlfriend says "what did you just say to me?"
←Rate | 04-17-2018 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hi, I'm here to ruin your life" - Social media
←Rate | 07-11-2018 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would want to come in Fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 09:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazon just broke up with New York... on Valentine's Day...
←Rate | 02-14-2019 15:12 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
←Rate | 09-25-2017 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Amazon, I bought a vacuum filter from you because that model is hard to find. It was necessary, not because I am fond of them. I am not a vacuum filter collector. No matter how many ads you display, or emails you send me, I am not desperate for more.
←Rate | 04-27-2018 18:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
←Rate | 07-01-2018 22:45 by Kyla Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always wanted to be a Gregorian Monk but never got the chants.
←Rate | 08-06-2018 14:47 Comments (0)  




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