Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.
←Rate | 12-08-2017 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the doctor because I couldn’t stop listening to Tom Jones. He told me it’s not unusual
←Rate | 01-07-2018 14:37 by MWC Comments (1)  


   messageicon Women who say the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach hasn't seen his browser history
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn't get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn't brushed her teeth in forever
←Rate | 04-13-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying
←Rate | 11-10-2018 22:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think I need to be in a mental institution, then I look around and think that maybe I already am.
←Rate | 11-29-2018 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Xmas card with glitter on it.
←Rate | 12-18-2018 21:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do recipes say to "preheat oven?" Shouldn't it just be "heat oven?"
←Rate | 02-21-2019 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somebody clearly missed the opportunity of a lifetime when they called the game Mario Kart instead of Mario Speedwagon.
←Rate | 02-26-2019 11:04 by HotTea Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. " Mark Twain.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 23:37 by Mark.Twain Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Don't Kid Yourself" would be a great advertising slogan for a condom company.
←Rate | 06-18-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the circus freaks of the future will be the incredible non-tattooed man!
←Rate | 06-20-2018 13:35 by dj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
←Rate | 07-08-2018 22:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cleaning all the straws out of my glove box cause I would not want any straw sniffing dogs to find my stash!
←Rate | 08-07-2018 11:20 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
←Rate | 11-06-2018 18:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
←Rate | 07-19-2017 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
←Rate | 09-08-2017 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 5000 years of eating bread and now all of a sudden everyone's allergic to gluten? WTF?
←Rate | 08-02-2017 07:45 Comments (2)  




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