Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 17:16 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't go jogging in the morning because would just end up splashing coffee everywhere.
←Rate | 08-26-2018 05:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've learned anything after working in I.T. for twenty five years it's that Dilbert is not a comic strip. It's a documentary.
←Rate | 08-28-2018 07:11 Comments (1)  


   messageicon A new study says that a lot of people on social media today will believe anything that starts out by saying a new study says.
←Rate | 10-02-2018 16:04 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've reached the age where I meet a person I would consider "older" and then find out they're the same age as me.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 05:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Kissing is weird. At some point, multiple cultures independently came to the conclusion that wanting to lick the inside of somebody's mouth shouldn't be exclusive to dogs.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 17:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey kids, try the real Tide challenge. Get off your butt and wash your own clothes and fold them.
←Rate | 01-16-2018 00:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wildlife Fact: In the wild, otters can go for days without checking their phones
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it my illegal logging operation is a success.
←Rate | 03-29-2018 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
←Rate | 02-06-2018 04:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our dog just winked at me, and now I am trying to figure out what secret we are keeping from the rest of the family.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 11:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I turned out ok for a kid raised in large part by Bugs Bunny.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 15:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One thing that I have noticed about conspiracy theories is that they all depend on the government perpetrators being endlessly clever. I think you'll find that most government perpetrators are endlessly stupid.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 09:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I did 5 squats today so if you catch me looking a little thick tomorrow don't be alarmed
←Rate | 04-12-2018 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
←Rate | 05-22-2017 02:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 08:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m small but influential. Like bacteria or Tom Cruise.
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:47 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Netflix and scroll through the selections until it’s too late to start watching anything.
←Rate | 05-02-2018 01:48 Comments (0)  




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