Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don't wanna have to explain why I'm in your 'Random Party Pics' album at 4am.
←Rate | 07-12-2012 18:29 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love how the ninja turtles wear masks. Way to hide your identity, its not like your a giant turtle or anything.
←Rate | 10-19-2011 21:26 by Katana Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how fast you run, michael myers will walk faster.
←Rate | 11-12-2011 12:52 by Czovczov Comments (1)  


   messageicon Whenever I worry I've been wasting my time on FB, I cheer myself up by remembering I have never seen a Twilight movie.......
←Rate | 11-18-2011 08:57 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I know" - best response to someone telling you your fly is open
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My phone battery dies faster than a black guy in a horror movie.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 04:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery......who has something nice to say?
←Rate | 02-08-2011 16:35 by TMac Comments (0)  


   messageicon A beautiful girl without a personality, is like a Lamborghini without an engine.
←Rate | 02-17-2011 01:44 by @knicksplayer Comments (0)  


   messageicon Helen Keller once said "Gahhgrrr berkic dahhh errr waa waa!".... It's as true today as it has ever been
←Rate | 10-27-2009 20:00 by Peebs Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only good thing about having your mother as a FB friend is that no matter how bad your status update bombs in your attempt to be funny, you can always count on her to "like' it
←Rate | 12-20-2010 19:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you know the four signs of growing old? 1. Forgetting names, 2. Forgetting faces, 3. Forgetting to zip up, 4. Forgetting to zip down.
←Rate | 07-14-2010 22:43 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time to buy a new car, a bigger TV, a better cell phone and a faster laptop so I’ll finally be happy! (Repeat over and over until you die)
←Rate | 04-26-2013 21:29 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Over Six Billion Dollars were spent on this Election Campaign, so that Americans can be in the exact same place they were in Before it started. Well done, America... Well. Done.
←Rate | 11-07-2012 12:10 by Vitamin N Comments (1)  


   messageicon All these “like if you hate cancer” posts are f ucking ridiculous. Everybody hates cancer but clicking on some damn picture doesn’t do jack s hit!
←Rate | 01-13-2013 17:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's random act of kindness: feeding pepperoni slices to our vegan neighbor's 3 year old, through the mail slot.
←Rate | 08-23-2013 08:01 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Domino's Pizza is now made with real cheese"........ WTF were you using before!
←Rate | 01-30-2011 21:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon U love someone and you marry someone else. The one you marry becomes ur wife and the one you love becomes the password of your email
←Rate | 04-09-2010 03:56 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You should be with someone who ,even on your bad day, still thinks the sun shines out of your ass
←Rate | 02-23-2010 17:45 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Cocaine is never a solution. Unless of course, you dissolve it in water.
←Rate | 02-26-2010 18:56 by Y.P Comments (3)  


   messageicon flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 15:40 Comments (0)  



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