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Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on? 
Dear Chicken I don't get why you r so popular 4 crossing the road ... Yours Sincerely The cow that jumped over the Möön
Maybe if the Libyans spent less time firing into the air, the civil war could have ended 4 months ago.
If Paranormal Activity 3, The Ring, and Poltergeist taught me anything, it's that little girls are absolutely terrifying.
Lazy rule: Can't reach it. Don't need it.
please continue to tell me how the life you created for yourself is so miserable instead of taking actual steps to change it.
The only people who truly know your story, are the ones that helped you write it.
Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from a picture that makes her look ugly..:D
A source says Snooki is pregnant and the Republican candidates suddenly switch their stance on abortion.
Two beer or not two beer--Shakesbeer
Funny how you can make friends with people just by liking and commenting on their Facebook posts. Then you show up unannounced in the middle of the night at their house and SUDDENLY IT'S WEIRD.
To find a prince, you're supposed to kiss a frog. Not screw the whole pond....
I am quite offended that Prince William didn't lift up the baby like they did Simba in Lion King.
why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
You're missing the point....and quite possibly a chromosome.
So the cop was like 'say the alphabet backwards',, So I said 'the alphabet backwards',, Then we laughed and laughed............ Send bail money
Weatherman are a little too excited to finally be right about predicting this big storm. You're still at 1% accuracy guys. Calm the $&#% down...
I love my lucky rabbit's foot because nothing says good fortune like the severed limb of an adorable, defenseless, woodland creature.
In awkward situations, we all pretend to text.
Over time you start noticing that some people just aren't worth it anymore.
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