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Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
86
16
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09-19-2011 21:01 by
BEGO
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BEER!!!! now cheaper than gas...DRINK......DON'T DRIVE!!!!!
86
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03-15-2011 00:51 by
CJ
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Dear windshield wipers,...You cant touch this.....Sincerely, The triangle
86
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03-25-2011 11:33 by
boo
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I think next time I'll go ahead and press "2" for Spanish. Maybe I'll actually get someone who speaks English better than the person on the "English" line.
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03-22-2012 13:37 by
Marshall the Great
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So if someone invites you to their wedding, it's apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can't make it but I'll come to your next one".
86
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10-17-2011 16:34 by
Delores Disenchanted
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I was flipping through the Victoria's Secret catalogue and now I have a craving for ribs.
86
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02-10-2012 10:25 by
SuthernFukr
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February 15th. The Black Friday for Chocoholics.
86
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02-15-2012 06:26 by
Mickey
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Can you die from constipation? I'm a little worried with how full of sh!t some people are.
86
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11-17-2011 08:26 by
SuthernFukr
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I really don't want a birthday card. Just give me the $4 you would've spent on it. If it makes you feel better sign your name on each dollar.
86
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11-18-2011 09:24 by
SuthernFukr
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The "thank you wave" you receive after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the only thing holding this fragile society together
86
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12-03-2013 06:10 by
EF
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Me "Hey honey, I got hurt at work, Donna brought me to the hospital and the Doctors are trying to save my leg." Her "Who's Donna??"
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01-20-2014 22:25
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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
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04-30-2014 17:08
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Laser tag is for pussies... "Taser tag", now thats a manly kinda sport.
43
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02-23-2014 15:40 by
snotty
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Ladies; If you friend zone me you have to at least change clothes in front of me like you would a gay guy. Them are the rules.
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03-19-2014 13:30 by
Baddie
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It's amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there's a pill available for it.
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03-30-2014 11:09 by
Czovczov
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Sometimes I use words I don't understand so I can sound more photosynthesis.
43
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04-11-2014 14:41 by
Kisstopher707
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I exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah's Fitness.
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05-10-2014 14:36
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You may remember me from such events as ruining Christmas dinner.
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12-21-2014 01:11 by
Baddie
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PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won't make you carry them.
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02-16-2015 14:09
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Just got three "BREAKING NEWS" notifications on my phone that two celebrities got married. This is why the rest of the world hates America.
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08-28-2014 10:17 by
Michael
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