Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF

Search Messages:
Page: 5124 of 5228

   messageicon whenever I see a can of Glen 20, I think to myself "do you reckon that's Ben 10's older brother?" Then I laugh. And wonder how other people put up with me.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 01:20 by RikkiSowtz Comments (0)  

   messageicon God saying to Eve "You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it" was prove that even he makes mistakes #talkingtoawoman"
←Rate | 10-16-2015 04:33 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I love having marital relations. My wife knows what I like and I know what she won't do!
←Rate | 10-16-2015 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 09:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Family with benefits. - Rednecks.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 11:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 85% of conversations with my mom is trying to figure out who the "she" in her story is.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 11:59 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I've learned anything from Facebook, it's that everyone has a birthday
←Rate | 10-16-2015 12:02 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon Co-Worker: Do you watch Desperate Housewives? Me: No, but I know a few on Facebook.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 14:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, no question, I would want them to be alive..
←Rate | 10-16-2015 14:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You never really expect to meet your soulmate in a strip club.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 16:12 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon A single male friend of mine is looking for a woman who can actually suck a golf ball through a garden hose. . .
←Rate | 10-16-2015 19:17 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Kardashians turned Scott into an alcoholic, Lamar into a crackhead, and Bruce into a woman. I can't wait to see what they do to Kanye...
←Rate | 10-16-2015 19:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
←Rate | 10-16-2015 22:06 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
←Rate | 10-16-2015 22:06 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Imma let you finish, Lamar, but Whitney Houston had the best naked on cocaine death ever". - Kanye West
←Rate | 10-17-2015 07:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon COP: Sir do you know how fast you were scrolling?
←Rate | 10-17-2015 07:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last night she told me my pick up lines are lame I'm never taking advices from a bartender named Isaac on a cruise ship ever again..
←Rate | 10-17-2015 12:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon dog pokes me with nose* *stop, it's late* (Dog looks at me with sad eyes) *ugh, ok* [sets up poker table for him and his friends]
←Rate | 10-17-2015 13:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's that called when out of the blue she asks you to squeeze her cantaloupes in the grocery?
←Rate | 10-17-2015 13:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I flashed my full set of teeth at Walmart earlier this morning & I'm still here signing autographs and posing for pictures
←Rate | 10-17-2015 14:42 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left