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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I listen to gangsta rap sprinkled with a little Adele. Will I murder you? Will I buy you a puppy? You never know.
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11-29-2015 23:53 by
Kisstopher707
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This guy just climbed through a thicket of waist-high shrubbery to avoid walking past me. That's the kind of anti-social I aspire to be.
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11-29-2015 23:54
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Аliens would laugh if they knew the smartest spесies on the planet still kills each other over religion.
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11-30-2015 00:05 by
Czovczov
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I'm either going to go broke today, or save a lot of money...#CyberMondayProblems
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11-30-2015 10:21 by
jwon
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always a man drinking a Crush on a Monday.....never a man crush Monday
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11-30-2015 11:23 by
Eddy
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If you have trouble remembering every mistake you've ever made, just pour your mom 3 glasses of wine.
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11-30-2015 11:47
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disappointed what had happened on Black Friday! Fully condemned the action
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11-30-2015 13:41 by
Mark Zuckerberg
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Come on people! It's 2015...you should know by now how to NOT use the 'Reply to All' in an email.
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11-30-2015 13:51 by
BoiseBoy
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This coat I’m wearing is a present from my wife; I came home early one night and there it was, hanging over a chair.
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11-30-2015 14:37 by
Fazzdelirious
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For my sister’s 40th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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11-30-2015 14:40 by
Fazzdelirious
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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11-30-2015 14:42 by
Fazzdelirious
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"Is that your dog?".... "No, actually she's adopted... We were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"
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11-30-2015 18:46 by
snotty
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To any American who wants a better life, leave the country, denounce your US citizenship and come back as an illegal immigrant. . .
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11-30-2015 19:14 by
JAB
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"Mirror, mirror; on the floor.... Who's got the biggest hemorrhoids of them all?"
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11-30-2015 19:20 by
snotty
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Welcome to Disproportionate Body Parts Club.... If there's any suggestions, I'm all ears.
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11-30-2015 20:09 by
snotty
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I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
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11-30-2015 20:46
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The proper response to "Good Morning" is "Yeah? Prove it!"
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12-01-2015 06:45
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When I was a kid I was afraid of the dark. Now when I see my electric bill I'm afraid of the lights.
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12-01-2015 11:01
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Anti-psychotics, but for religious fanatics.
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12-01-2015 13:06
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In 2015, if you're dreaming of a white Christmas, you're a racist.
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12-01-2015 14:07
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