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I have tried it all to get my girl to call out my name in bed, but nothing has worked.My last hope now is to change my name to "Already?".
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02-23-2011 03:16
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I'm waiting till the iPad 1,473 comes out because it will fly you to the moon while you surf the internet.
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03-02-2011 21:24 by
Abbybaby34
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I failed my driver's test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don't know… look around, listen to the radio
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08-06-2011 03:24
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I don't care who the hell you are, you fall, I will laugh.
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08-17-2011 08:18
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I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
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08-22-2011 16:33 by
SuthernFukr
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When will my dog ever get the hint that my leg “just wants to be friends.”
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08-26-2011 15:10
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A report says that 15% of Americans admit to cheating on their taxes. Probably because the other 85% don't have an income anymore.
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03-31-2011 19:00
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Some people just need a hug... around their neck... with a rope.
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09-15-2011 12:53
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All voicemails from my Grandmother start with "HELLO! HELLO!" and end with her trying to dial another number.
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09-30-2011 11:05 by
Marshall the Great
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So it's said, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I say, "What doesn't kill me better run like hell!"
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06-30-2011 16:29 by
Marshall the Great
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If you get a tattoo on your face you can pretty much guarantee you are no longer anyone's emergency contact.
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07-26-2011 16:33
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Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
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08-02-2011 21:39 by
BEGO
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All our problems in the Middle East started when Indiana Jones shot that guy waving the sword around.
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08-03-2011 16:10
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My ex and I were together for 7 years. Evidently I broke a mirror.
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04-12-2011 20:35 by
Gman
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My divorce judge told me I needed to supply my xwife with a vehicle, I just UPSD'd her a broom
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04-20-2011 14:30 by
SEAN
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Still waiting on the United States to hold concerts for money to donate to Alabama and those affected in the horrible tornados. We do it for everyone else for any other reason right?
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04-28-2011 20:31 by
ESH
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if you don't like someone on facebook, there's this awesome block button. it saves a lot of drama.
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05-15-2011 22:22
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Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that murder.
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01-23-2015 12:22 by
andrew jackson
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My stupid camera won't stop ringing.
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05-26-2015 21:17
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My neighbour just confronted me about missing items from her washing line. I almost sh*t her pants
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09-25-2013 12:37
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