jdpower Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Wyclef Jean is running for President of Haiti. He should pledge to make Lauryn Hill his Secretary of Miseducation.
←Rate | 08-20-2010 15:53 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever see me drinking a Bud Light Lime, I have been kidnapped and am trying to signal you.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 14:39 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎9 times more people are killed by falling coconuts than by sharks. I CANNOT WAIT for Coconut Week!
←Rate | 08-04-2010 12:32 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Black smoke rose from my toaster this morning... a new pope tart has been chosen..
←Rate | 03-13-2013 14:09 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'd probably just pay for a Klondike bar.
←Rate | 05-19-2011 02:56 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.
←Rate | 09-08-2010 15:19 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should have captured Bin Laden alive and made him continually go through airport security for the rest of his life.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 20:40 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon When two meth addicts go out, is it considered speed dating?
←Rate | 09-13-2010 14:32 by jdpower Comments (3)  


   messageicon These kids today need to show a little respect to those of us who fought for, and won the right to party.
←Rate | 06-07-2011 20:24 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I worry I've been wasting my time, I cheer myself up by remembering I have never read a Twilight book.
←Rate | 07-06-2010 14:04 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon The coolest part about wallet chains is that they let potential thieves know your wallet isn't worth stealing.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 18:06 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know that if you watch Twilight backwards... it's still crap.
←Rate | 12-28-2012 16:53 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm surprised there isn't a "ABC's Rockin' Chilean Miners Rescue Special" hosted by Ryan Seacrest.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 01:12 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon While I like the idiom "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar", it remains the unvarnished truth that sh!t attracts more flies than anything.
←Rate | 05-24-2010 18:44 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎7-11 is developing a new wine.. It's said to pair well with poor life choices and sadness
←Rate | 12-07-2010 21:26 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you insist on telling me about the day your child was born, then I insist you also tell me about the night it was conceived.
←Rate | 01-12-2011 18:10 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Paranormal Activity 2" - terrifying tale of suburban home that unexpectedly gets possessed by Bank of America.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 13:33 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi.
←Rate | 05-11-2011 22:22 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon A handful of Nigerian scam artists are wrecking it for all the honest Nigerians who want to wire money to us.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 11:04 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Starbucks says that the rising cost of coffee is forcing them to raise prices. Oddly, they never seem to lower them when coffee prices drop
←Rate | 09-27-2010 15:35 by jdpower Comments (0)  



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