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   messageicon Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I'm getting tired of running and he's catching up to me
←Rate | 12-19-2011 14:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome.
←Rate | 07-02-2012 22:08 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It's H2OMG
←Rate | 08-19-2011 07:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry Febreeze.. I don't believe the commercials where you take the two blindfolded women into a crack house and the kitchen with the decaying meat tray and they smell Yosimte National Park.. :-/
←Rate | 08-23-2011 11:41 by timboss Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daughter: iPod.... Son: iPhone.......Mom: iPad.......Dad: iPay
←Rate | 09-02-2011 13:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OK England, we will see your wedding and raise you a funeral.
←Rate | 05-02-2011 09:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my Grandad were alive and on FB he'd be posting the same 9 or 10 stories over and over and as much as that would drive me crazy I would give anything to see his smile and "like" his posts today.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 20:43 by JBabcock Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I'd be successful and happy by now if it wasn't for them!!!!
←Rate | 10-06-2011 23:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess today has been pretty good. I haven't had to slap one single person yet....
←Rate | 02-08-2011 17:20 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can no longer "drop it like it's hot", so I "squat like it's warm".
←Rate | 03-01-2011 20:14 by Abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Starbucks and gas stations...it isn't a competition to see who can charge more.
←Rate | 03-04-2011 13:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I was a cab driver, I'd whisper "I could have kept you" to passengers before they got out.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 13:52 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I ever win the lottery the first thing I'm gonna do is hire a priest, a rabbi and a minister to walk into bars with me
←Rate | 03-28-2011 05:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm opening a healthy alternative all egg-white omelet breakfast joint. I really think my "Whites Only!" restaurant idea will be a hit!
←Rate | 09-22-2013 23:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
←Rate | 11-04-2013 06:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting's titty, not ok. Apparently.
←Rate | 10-20-2014 14:11 by Bobo the Chimp Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed. Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists.
←Rate | 01-26-2015 11:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're in your 20's... you don't have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying".
←Rate | 02-23-2015 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:45 by huck Comments (0)  



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