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Tip: if you're going to call out sick, make sure your co-workers aren't your FB friends and can see the pics you posted drunk last night
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06-28-2010 21:16 by
Joser
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We have 50 friends in common and I still have no idea who the hell you are
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07-13-2010 18:08 by
Joser
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Whatever doesn't kill me makes me all like, "Whoa! That was close!"
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08-09-2010 17:20
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when I smash a bug on the wall or ceiling I like to keep it there as a warning to the others..
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08-23-2010 07:30 by
Yaj
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The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
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08-09-2012 09:59 by
flinnie
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Somewhere, someone is thinking about you and the impact you made in their life.... It's not me, I think you're a prick.
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08-22-2012 07:28
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My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.
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08-25-2012 11:16 by
Czovczov
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Facebook needs a button that's the equivalent of kicking someone under the table to stop them from making a fool of themselves.
86
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10-24-2012 13:26
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If I ask my mom to take a picture for me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling “IT'S THE BUTTON ON FRONT!
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11-04-2012 10:02 by
hihuggiehi
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I watched the deleted scenes from a p0rno last night. Turns out he did fix the washing machine after all.
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09-29-2012 07:44
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I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
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07-10-2013 13:47 by
Aaron
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I'm convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
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07-16-2013 19:28 by
Daheavy1
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Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're ignorant and make bad decisions.
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08-20-2013 11:01 by
SEAN
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I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
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09-06-2013 14:38 by
Baddie
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TOP MISTAKES MARRIED MEN MAKE: 1) Doing things... 2) Not doing things... 3) Thinking about doing things... 4) Not thinking about doing things...
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03-08-2013 14:59 by
snotty
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The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
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04-01-2014 01:00
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Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."
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09-12-2013 11:08 by
SEAN
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Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you're a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
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12-02-2013 07:03 by
flinnie
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20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area
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12-31-2013 13:19 by
smeebert
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My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson.
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12-15-2014 08:03 by
Kisstopher707
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