Joser Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
←Rate | 07-15-2010 17:55 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
←Rate | 05-05-2010 12:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw a man disconnect his oxygen tank before he lit his cigarette. Safety first.
←Rate | 05-10-2010 14:02 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon Yes, I realize I'm leaving early. But don't forget, I also came in late.
←Rate | 06-24-2010 23:27 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
←Rate | 05-23-2010 22:16 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes acupuncture is an "ancient technique." Other "ancient techniques" included leeches and dying from plague. I'm good with drugs thanks.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:11 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window
←Rate | 04-28-2010 22:29 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon TIP: If you've forgotten your Bluetooth headset, wearing sunglasses indoors is an equally effective douchebag indicator.
←Rate | 05-13-2010 10:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 13:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tip: if you're going to call out sick, make sure your co-workers aren't your FB friends and can see the pics you posted drunk last night
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:16 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 13:18 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. I should be fine.
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't worry I won't tell anyone.. and if I do, I'll tell them not to tell anyone.
←Rate | 05-26-2010 19:43 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon What's another word for word?
←Rate | 05-14-2010 18:57 by Joser Comments (2)  


   messageicon I sympathize a lot with Darth Vader because he had so much trouble juggling career and family.
←Rate | 05-14-2010 19:00 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a letter from the college I graduated from... I hope it's a refund check for my murdered dreams.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 18:50 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm super sick, and while I don't need anyone to nurse me back to health but I'd like someone to pick up my tissues and let me be mean to them..
←Rate | 05-17-2010 09:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men: if your woman makes you sleep on the couch, use the cushions to build an awesome fort and then hang a "no girls allowed" sign.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:22 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon We have 50 friends in common and I still have no idea who the hell you are
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:08 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vodka is made from potatoes. Which means once upon a time, someone looked a potato and figured out how to drink it, Genius!
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:47 by Joser Comments (0)  



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