Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Decided to clean the kitchen this morning, started with the last of the rum cake. Cleaned that right up. Decided that was enough cleaning for today.. 
The Muppets would have been so much better if Kermit had been voiced by John Wayne.
1:00pm *Hears noise* "Hmm I wonder what that was..." 1:00am *Hears noise* "OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO BE MURDERED!"
As boy's we all way's wondered what was in a girl's diary.Now facebook has shown us !!
Can't we all just learn how to swim?
Its Soo Hot....The Jehovah Witnesses ain't even out today.
I'm gonna get one of those giant, old-timey bicycles. You know the type, where if you tipped over you fell 20ft. and died..... yeah,,one of those
Dear People, Please stop all the period jokes. Sincerely, Everyone's Ovary Acting
Madonna said that there will be no wardrobe malfunctions at this years Super Bowl half time show...ummmm good.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
What did moths fly into before electricity?
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won't be listening then either.
Drive slow and enjoy the scenery . Drive fast and join the scenery.
Just finding out that Nickelback has a greatest hits album very well may have ruined my entire day.
I thought 'Pokemon' was a Jamaican P0rn... My bad...
No, we do not have video of our baby's birth but we do have some very fine shots of his conception.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.
I'm just gonna wait for the iPhone12 when Siri can extend her arms and hold me.
"Hospice," contrary to popular belief,,, was not one of the Spice Girls.
Black Friday is the American version of running with the bulls 