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rapping with Dr. Seuss. That dude has mad skills. 
You're so fake, Barbie is jealous
would like to wish everyone a Friday the 13th filled with horny teenagers and not machete wielding maniacs...!
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems; but then again, neither does milk.
taking my loose change to the club tonight to make it HAIL!
wonders if the local Palm Reader that went out of business saw it coming?
Are there any workout programs that target the face? You really need one of those.
I'm not hiding anything... but stop looking at my phone while I'm texting.
ahhh! The life of an overworked Zombie
Some of the ugliest faces in this world hide behind a 12 pack of beer
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal.
Without fail, any movie sequel that does not have the same actors as the first movie will be terrible. Every time. I don't know why they bother.
have you noticed that all ugly people say, beauty is within and all rich people say, money don't buy you happiness ;)
Love don't cost a thing." Except a lot of tears, a broken heart, and wasted years.
I wanna be a workaholic.. but workahol tastes like sh!t
Does that miracle weight loss program that made you lose 4 pant sizes come with a new wardrobe 4 sizes smaller....No? Then I can't afford it....
getting poked on facebook by one of your friends is one thing, but getting poked by a family member is where I draw the line
Wants an app called PHARMville, so she can send notes to her friends like "really needing valuim or heavy narcotics soon"
Note to self: After applying Icy Hot, make sure to wash hands before going to the bathroom!!
When the patient was asked if he had had a good night he answered that he'd slept as soundly as the nurse on night duty. 