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Non-psychotic people don't wear "Build Back Better" paraphernalia, they loot, burn and kill. 
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
You think you've got problems? I dropped my cocaine in the snow this morning.
If your girlfriend has a friend that annoys you, don't tell her to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how pretty she is.
Moving to Africa so I can feed my kids for 18 cents a day.
iam pretty sure the whole 'ladies first' thing was created by a guy to check out some ass
I really want to punch "The Situation" in his vagina
I'm holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
Facebook: making the high school reunion last forever.
Brand new scientifically proven weight loss lipstick... Superglue
You know how guys buy really large and expensive vehicles to make up for certain shortages? Well, I don't even have a car.
If a guy doesn't turn on the TV first when he sits down next to his woman on the couch, that's a BJ request.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Wave your hands in the air! Wave ‘em all around like you're relatively indifferent to the current situation in which you find yourself!
I like that Dollar General store because you don't have to get all dressed up like you do when you go to Walmart.
Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having
..which is why I start my sentences in the middle.
I had a very confusing time when I tried to buy a Wii in France.
I raise the bar when it comes to lowering standards.
I'm thinking of getting tattoos on my shoulders that say "Place legs here". 