Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ending sentences with prepositions is not something I have a problem with.

   I feel sorry for men who don't know how to value women. One look at a woman and I KNOW how much she will cost me.

   You can tell its getting warmer out. The first mullets of spring have appeared.

   If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a woman, who the hell knows what's gonna happen.

   Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.

   Just invented a cell phone cover that looks like a pay check. Now all the yolo dudes can look responsible when they take a profile pic in their duckface baby-mama's bathroom mirror.

   Hell hath no fury like a woman mad for no particular reason...

   I want a woman who can cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills & still set aside the time to have sex with me while her husbands at work

   Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today.

   women have a long,endless list for man to please them,while men have only a list with two wishes for their women: Naked and bring beer

   Dear gigantic flock of birds chirping loudly in the parking lot sh*ting all over my car, There's still more north left... Go annoy Canada...

   going to wear 3D glasses today and shout EVERYTHING LOOKS SO REAL!

   I propose we plug the Gulf oil leak with BP executives.

   I think that this morning, every side of the bed is wrong.

   Facebook pet peeve #2037: Friends who announce their status as "single" after being in a long term relationship... to be followed 2 days later with the status "is in a relationship" really? that didnt take long...

   The only turkey I'll be having on Thursday most likely is the wild kind, on the rocks

   If your on a dating website and didn't post a picture of yourself. It should be mandatory to disclose the amount of teeth you will show up with in you mouth on the first date.

   I somehow managed to get chocolate inside my shoe. And somehow mustered the bravery to figure out it was chocolate.

   Like Superman, I have a Fortress of Solitude. But mine flushes.

   I really think iPhone owners fake not knowing stuff just so they can bust out their phones to look it up.