Funny Status Messages

   Our new dog is going to be the *best* watchdog if a vacuum cleaner ever breaks into the house.

   You've gotta admit, cuddling with a giant panda would ALMOST be worth getting your face ripped off.

   Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?

   Dear Chicken I don't get why you r so popular 4 crossing the road ... Yours Sincerely The cow that jumped over the Möön

   Maybe if the Libyans spent less time firing into the air, the civil war could have ended 4 months ago.

   If Paranormal Activity 3, The Ring, and Poltergeist taught me anything, it's that little girls are absolutely terrifying.

   Lazy rule: Can't reach it. Don't need it.

   please continue to tell me how the life you created for yourself is so miserable instead of taking actual steps to change it.

   The only people who truly know your story, are the ones that helped you write it.

   Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from a picture that makes her look ugly..:D

   A source says Snooki is pregnant and the Republican candidates suddenly switch their stance on abortion.

   Two beer or not two beer--Shakesbeer

   Funny how you can make friends with people just by liking and commenting on their Facebook posts. Then you show up unannounced in the middle of the night at their house and SUDDENLY IT'S WEIRD.

   In awkward situations, we all pretend to text.

   Over time you start noticing that some people just aren't worth it anymore.

   Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."

   Weatherman are a little too excited to finally be right about predicting this big storm. You're still at 1% accuracy guys. Calm the $&#% down...

   I love my lucky rabbit's foot because nothing says good fortune like the severed limb of an adorable, defenseless, woodland creature.

   If you believe the predictions of an ancient semi-civilized tribe that the world is ending on 21st Dec, can you do me a favour? Can you raise your right hand and with the same hand b itch-slap yourself into 2013.

   please no more gangnam style dance... keep the gangnam style back in 2012