Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
How to tie the strongest knot ever? Step 1: Put your headphones in your pocket. Step 2: Wait 1 minute. 
One day, the fridge will take revenge on me,.. Every half hour opening the door to my room, staring at me for a few minutes and then walk away.
After opening this month's electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
I've counted 8 people so far whose New Year's resolutions include "loose weight". Can I add spelling to your list too?
People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The confusion of this world is that people are used and things are loved.
After spending 90 bucks for a gas fill-up today, I'm starting to see the advantages of being Amish....
Baby, if you are reading this. Can you please bring me a beer?
When I die I want the Cleveland browns to be my Pallbearers so they can let me down one last time
Chicks can only stay at their boyfriend's place for about 3 days, then they finally need to go home and use the toilet.
Dear Shirtless Guy in his Profile Pic, You REALLY want to impress girls? Get a job & pose in front of your cubicle.
The U.S. men's soccer team failed to qualify for the Olympics this week,,,,, upsetting nearly 10 Americans.
If you're constantly posting “loving my life!” as your Facebook status, you're probably not.
just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
My girl came down from taking a bath, gave me a wink and said, "I shaved my vajayjay in the bath and you know what that means?" I said, "The drain is clogged?"
I see my self as a crayon, maybe I'm not yourr favorite color, but one day you will need me to complete your picture.
Whoops! Some vodka fell in my glass... Better clean that up...
I got gas today for $2.45 to bad it was from taco bell
It bothers me that someone may steal my identity and use it to make thousands of dollars behind my back. It bothers me because I currently have my identity and can't figure out how to do that.." 