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WHY IS THAT COTTON CANDY TALKING?!.............. "Grandma, that's Niki Minaj." 
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
Even Joe Biden said stricter laws won't stop the problem. If they can't enforce the laws already on the books what makes them think they can enforce these?
Since this is an "S" storm, I think they should have named it Hurricane Snookie since it will be slamming and blowing the entire Jersey Shore
MTV to Ring in New Year With Ke$ha and 'Jersey Shore' Cast. So if the world ends on the 21st, it will at least spare us that.
The Seven Dwarfs of Facebook: Drunky, Stoney, Skanky, B!tchy, Lonely, Creepy, Stalky
Why are doctors so afraid of apples anyway?
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
I had an active life, until some idiot came along and introduced me to Facebook.
Keep it down kids,,,, Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist..
it's a crazy day when guys wanna see a movie about a teddy bear and girls wanna see a movie about strippers
While laying in bed with my Husband last night, he asked me what I'd most like to do to his body. Apparently, "Identify it" was the wrong answer
She stole my heart so I told her to keep it. Thats not the part I'm going to be needng to bang all her friends with anyway.
My fake ID's finally ready. Can't wait to order off the kids' menu!!
If Target sends you coupons for rope, garbage bags, and bleach, abort the mission. They know too much.
The fact that Mitt Romney has a son named Matt Romney kinda makes you hope for 3 more sons named Mett Mott & Mutt.
My head says, "go to the gym." But my heart says, "stay on the internet forever and eat!" 