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you never realize how annoying people are until you add them on facebook :) 
wants to know how MTV can have the VMA's? They don't even play videos anymore!
If you can read this, chances are you won't be recieving a gift from me this Christmas. Happy Holidays!
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Kurt Cobain would be so disappointed to find out teen spirit now smells like Axe body spray
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don't know the man & he doesn't know you're eating his popcorn
Dear Victoria's Secret engineers. Bubble wrap panties..... make it happen.
The first scene of Star Wars 7 should be C-3P0 waking up and saying "I just had three horrible dreams!"
Silence doesn't always mean 'Yes'. Sometimes it means "I'm tired of explaining to people who don't even care to understand."
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
Apparently the graphics are so good on the Xbox One, players will be able to see their own social anxiety disorders developing.
My 6yo thinks it's bullcrap that grown-ups don't get a summer break.
I hope the friends that haven't called me in a while know how much I appreciate that.
It’s like people don’t realise that once you’ve had children together, you can never get completely divorced.
"Today its Sunday" Forward this to 15 friends,.. within 7 days you"ll get another Sunday. it really works... One of my friends ignored it and he got Monday within 24 hours
Madonna and Johnny Depp seem completely unaware they aren't British
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
It's like the women in this bar don't know how close I am to getting my own apartment.
I just bought a medical alert bracelet. It says "Probably just sh*tfaced" 