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I have a bad feeling we're going to pay for Taylor Swift not having a boyfriend on Valentines Day. 
It might be fat Tuesday today, but I'm fat everyday. So what's the big deal.
Bi-polar Wednesday - that day where you fluctuate between, "WooHoo, the week is half over" and "Oh crap, the week is only half over.
The courthouse is a really great place to see people with neck tattoos wearing ties.
Idea: October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.. instead of posting your color bra, why not take a pic of your boobs, post them and say "Save These!" . .why beat around the bush? (or bare floor)
Starbucks isn't really that expensive when you you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup...
NEW FACEBOOK GAME: Message me your bank account or credit card number & I will post which bill I paid with it, as my status.
The information age, does anyone else find it just a little bit ironic that it has produced so many uninformed people.
I bet there's a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
My salt shaker has been clogged for two years, so don't come to me with your issues.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
Barry Manilow gets married to partner and comes out of the closet..... World rolls eyes and says, "Oh Gee Barry, we had no clue."
Ahh Brunch, the Sunday activity that makes drinking before noon socially acceptable.
Teen at Starbucks asked if I could take her selfie. I said that would just be a photo.... She's still blinking at me.
Halloween is just over a week away now. When it comes to candy bars, the term fun-sized is misleading. There is nothing fun about your candy bar being 1/8 the size of a regular bar. You should call them what they are: “disappointment-sized.”
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can't eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Coaster? You're assuming I plan to put my drink down...
I'll judge your whiteness based on your reaction when Jump Around comes on.
i wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There's ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
I dont know who is more pathetic, the idiot who opens and runs a celebrity parody twitter account or the idiots who follows and re-tweets thinking its the real celebrity. 