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They should change the sound of the new chip card machines . Make me panic and think my purchase was denied. Put a ding on on it or some thing make me think I won something 
I threw my bra on stage at a concert once. It landed somewhere in the flute section.
The media is terrible!!! They should have really help that beached whale (Christie) back into the water!! But no!! They just take pics and publish.
"Jesus loves you" is a nice thing to hear in church. But not in prison.
What do women want? They don't know. When do they want it? Right now!!
Happy Valentines day!! Or as I like to call it, Thursday
Justin Beiber wants to beat off reporters. Only male reporters, Beiber isn't interested in touching females.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
1..2..3.. SMILE! "...... "did you take it yet?" "crap its on video!"
Coffee makes the world go round; love only populates it!
I named my truck Karma, so if I ever run someone over I can say: Yeah…it was Karma.
when I was little not only did I have to walk to school..my dad would drive by and flip me off.
Ironically it's the things people don't say that tell you everything you need to know.
Today,,,, I feel like I need the vulgarity expansion pack for autocorrect
I can never invite the neighbors into my house because they might recognize their stuff.
The ironic part about killing time is that it's slowly killing you.
It's sad, 'cause strawberries probably hear "strawberry preserve" and think they're safe.
On a scale from 1 to dyslexic, how 10 am I?
I guess eBay brings out my competitive side........Anyway, this $1,800 can of peas better be good.
When you think about it, it's probably best not to think about it. 