Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I'm surprised more killers haven't lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:45 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fell down the stairs today. Counting it as a workout
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had an epiphany, but I forgot it while I was trying to spell epiphany.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Serta has an icomfort mattress trying to emulate ipad, ipod imac. What's with adding an I that makes a mattress better. It doesn't, icall that a bunch of bull$hit. . .
←Rate | 04-02-2015 06:44 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend said that he and his wife wanted to swing by this weekend. I said we'd love that. I hope he didn't mean they wanted to swing bi.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 09:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jeremy Clarkson should start a cooking show. Abusing staff seems to be OK in kitchens on TV.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 11:12 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Vegans will be the other white meat for zombies. Just saying.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 11:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there's my drink.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 11:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I couldn't quite visualize what a nanosecond was until I dropped a piece of bacon and my dog had it gone before it could even leave a grease spot on the floor.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 11:57 by M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks for inviting me to your Bible study, let's get balls deep in Jesus.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 12:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE ?"
←Rate | 04-02-2015 12:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes balls to eat Rocky Mountain Oysters.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 12:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm gonna start a new website called Punchender where people/companies can raise funds to NOT release a terrible product. Example "If we don't meet our goal, we will release super bouncy death ball!"
←Rate | 04-02-2015 12:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time my girlfriend sees me naked, she sighs. Doesn't she know that sighs matters?
←Rate | 04-02-2015 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon feeling like a tampon; in a good place, but at the wrong time
←Rate | 04-02-2015 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say candles add a sensual ambiance, this my explain why I become aroused when I see a birthday cake
←Rate | 04-02-2015 16:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It was April Fools' Day yesterday. So be careful. And don't forget to turn back your clocks....
←Rate | 04-02-2015 19:20 by Mark M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking News: The State of Indiana just made "smear the queer" the official playground game.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 19:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel by using a dial.
←Rate | 04-02-2015 22:12 by That guy Comments (1)  



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