Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Do you think our dogs ever get upset that we never lick them back?

   Presidents Day was a whole lot more fun back before the Great Election of 2008

   "Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off" ~ The last thing a lobster thinks.

   Hamsters seem pretty dumb when they run in their wheel, don't they. *scroll* *scroll* *scroll* *pause* *scroll* *scroll* *pause*

   Hot singles in your area want to go through your trash. Never mind these are raccoons

   Judging by these FB & T witter quotes attributed to her, Marilyn Monroe sure got smart four decades after she died.

   sticking my head in the freezer to warm up!

   I wish I loved anything as much as fat chicks love to tell people that Marilyn Monroe was a size 12.

   People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.

   One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.

   Any girls out there wanna duck?

   A special place in hell just for me? Aww you shouldn't have.

   A group of children is called a "Mucus"

   50 Shades Of Grey Has This Awesome Fantasy About Some Girl Who Gets A Job Right Out Of College.

   If I've learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven't figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.

   PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won't make you carry them.

   WTF is with all the American Girl dolls on ebays deal of the day.... This isn't christmas mother fcukers

   The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club

   I'd like to be drunk with power but I've never even been buzzed. I'm like the designated driver of power.

   My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism.