Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My analysis reveals that, via his crafty use of the double negative,,, Ray Parker Jr was, in fact,, afraid of *some* ghosts.

   Imagine how much pride you'll feel being eaten by lions.

   I couldn't afford to visit the zoo, so I went to the trailer park instead.

   Anyone who isn't schizophrenic these days isn't thinking clearly.

   Well well well, if it isn't the girl who escaped from my trunk.

   Old people sure have a way of making eating look sad.

   If I get murdered at any given time...my chalk outline will be holding a beer.

   pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law

   My favorite in-laws are the ones that don't exist.

   White girls who don't get naked when you're drunk.. Explain yourselves.

   my superpower is getting tired after doing nothing

   Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.

   Objects in the selfie are way sadder than they appear.

   I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?

   Sometimes I hump my wife to Bon Jovi

   My safe word is antidisestablishmentarianism. Don't worry. I never get laid.

   You are dating 4 people simultaneously and you say you are in a relationship? No hoe, you are in an 0rgy.

   A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It's a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."

   At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?

   I don't know what the big deal is about this whole Love trade thing. Its nothing new! Isn't that the world's oldest profession?