Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Have you tried not taking another selfie?

   Leonardo DiCaprio cheering on Orlando Bloom as he tried to punch Justin Bieber is enough for him to earn his Oscar in my books.

   Don't you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.

   Weekend settings activated, please don't call unless if its alcohol, food, fun, alcohol, fun and food again. All problems deferred to Monday...

   Of course my attitude is good when you do as I say

   You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.

   Question: If men get "c*ck-blocked" do women get "beaver-dammed"?

   Me: I'll have a quickie. Barista: Sir, it's called an espresso.

   Sorry I keep forgetting you're not my therapist.

   Relationship status: my cat won't sit still for our selfies.

   Thanks alot Mark Fuckerberg. Just had to poop without Facebook like I was some kind of cave man.

   Facebook has been down today. Has anyone asked if it's ok hun?

   "Here, tell me if my butthole stinks." ~cats

   They need to create an app to let you know if someone is a freak. I mean crazy for those thinking nasty. Get your mind out the gutter

   ..... Begining to think that Obama's official Border policy is to draw a Red Line in the sand along the Southern border.

   facebook has allowed me to bring my "he's a distraction to the rest of the class" from school to a global scale

   How to solve all the children crossing the southern border illegally, put all the registered sex offenders and pedifiles there to give them candy and greet them!

   Do not mess with bears. You'll be their victim. Yogi Bear wears clothes. Where did he get his clothes?,,, That's right - a victim

   I'm sorry for what I said before I had my coffee.

   Dogs are a man's best friend because they don't talk.