Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I don’t know a lot, but I know Facebook is as helpful as a football bat.

   I saw an ad on a dating site called: Friends With Benefits. So I made a date, and it went well...right up to when I said, "Ok, I'll be your friend, now where's my health plan?" She got PO'd. Why? What's so bad about that?

   I searched Google, Bing and Yahoo on the word Impotence and nothing came up?

   why does the drive-thru ATM have braille?....what blind person is driving a car?

   first day of spring break and I have f all to do

   Party like your intervention is tomorrow.

   Hell hath no fury like a woman misunderstood.

   It's ok to admit when you're wrong. Just don't tell anyone.

   Your hair smells like it wants pulling.

   If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some single women have more than one baby daddy?

   I bet the person who invented lunges was really just some dude adjusting his baIIs

   According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was

   "Racism makes as much sense as saying I don't want that gift because of the color of the wrapping paper" and it was ugly and they clung and they were stalker.

   On a scale of 1 to a weatherman,,, how good are you at lying?

   Did't have time to hit the gym today. That'll be.. let me see.. 6 years in a row.

   Oh, how I love being awake at stupid o'clock

   it's time to diet now. Even the shoelaces are getting to small.

   Haters are like crickets… they make a lot of noise, you can hear them, but you can't see them… when you walk right by them, they suddenly get

   Haters are like crickets… they make a lot of noise, you can hear them, but you can't see them… when you walk right by them, they suddenly get quiet.

   6 yr old: Dad, why did the Tooth Fairy write me a check?...Me:Umm, I don't know but she needs you to hold on to it until the 15th.